im about as happy as oj after his trial
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
