And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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