You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
