Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
