I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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