Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think i have two assholes
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
