you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
