I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize