He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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