Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
