remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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