I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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