If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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