I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I need a burrito and a hug.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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