I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
