I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm like, not good at living.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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