He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize