I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
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