I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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