I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize