I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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