If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
