they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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