I love having hate sex.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
