Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
