he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Randomize
