it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
