go do what you do best...puke behind churches
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
