OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
