So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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