I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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