You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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