this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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