I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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