My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love you. Go after that dick
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
