I'm going to jail i love you
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
