apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
