I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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