i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize