i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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