i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize