I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
