I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
