what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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