you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
