I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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