wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
