I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
