i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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