I don't usually arrange sex via text message
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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