I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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