Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
