If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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