I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
