I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
