So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
