Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
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