I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
