you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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