Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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