this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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