I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
