Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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