do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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