Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
