remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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