The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
