Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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