omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
