I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
