i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize