No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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