Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
