Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
me + whiskey = a bad person
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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